Bad Day
by Mereo Flere
Summary: [The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya] It's a bad day, at least for Kyon. For everybody else, it's just fine.
1. Chapter 1

"Bad Day" by Mereo Flere

Beta'd by: Zenithos

Disclaimer: I do not own The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya

---

Unlike a lot of people I knew, I never had any trouble waking up in the morning.

That wasn't to say that I was a morning person. Far from it, in fact. If it were my choice, I would simply lay in bed all day, completely content with letting the world pass me by.

No, the reason, and the only one at that, I get up as early as I do is that I have a hyperactive little sister to wake me up each day. Sometimes she would just nudge me awake, but most other times she simply runs up and jumps on my back.

However, today she seemed to have gained some weight. With much more force than usual, she landed on me, knocking the wind out of me. Gasping for breath, I shoved her off me, immediately noticing one important fact:

She was bigger.

That wasn't to say she looked older than before; no, she seemed to be the same as she was last night, pajamas and all.

She was just bigger, as was everything else.

Or rather, everything else had stayed the same; I just had shrunk.

I took this realization fairly well, if you ask me. It wasn't everyday that such a thing happened to your body, but I was used to strange things happening in my life.

So what if I was smaller? More troubling things have happened to me, after all, at least my life wasn't in danger.

Just how bad could this new body be?

Very bad apparently, I thought shortly after I had entered the bathroom.

It turns out that not everything had become smaller. My eyes seemed to be proportionally bigger to my face, and my hair was long enough to touch the ground.

Of course, at the time, I wasn't even noticing such things. You see, I was more worried over the fact that something had gone missing.

Yes, you heard me right.

This had to be a dream. There was no other explanation.

Well, there was, but not even Haruhi could be as perverted as this, right?

Right?

Wrong.

Whether or not I wanted to believe it, Suzumiya Haruhi had turned me into a loli.

---

It seemed that, aside from my pajamas, my clothes didn't fit.

Not that it was much of a surprise, but it would have been a little convenient if they had. Couldn't you be a little more helpful, Haruhi?

Then again, I didn't want to go out anyway, not like this.

Still, I needed to see someone. Hopefully, she would still be home.

Dialing the number out of memory, I was glad that I didn't have to wait long for it to be answered.

"Can you come over? I have an emergency."

There wasn't even a moment before she replied. "Understood."

Fifteen minutes later, she was at the door, dressed like she always was in uniform, with a shopping bag held her right hand.

I quickly ushered her into my room and closed the door behind me. Making sure it was locked, I turned to face her.

"Is there anything you can do about this?" I asked, gesturing over my body.

Nagato nodded, and held out the bag to me. "You will need these."

Accepting the bag, I opened it only to find a North High female uniform, complete with stockings, shoes, and panties. Striped panties, in case someone happened to be curious.

You're kidding me, right?

"No. In order for you to make it through the school day without disrupting class, you will need to wear an appropriate outfit."

"I understand what this is for, but isn't there anything else you can do? Can't you change me back to my original self?"

Nagato gave a slight nod. "Returning you to your original state is possible. However..."

"However what?"

Nagato stared at me silently, as if searching for the correct words to say in my eyes. Finding myself becoming a little bit more afraid with each passing moment, I finally relaxed when she opened her mouth to speak again...only to find out my fears were completely and utterly justified.

All she gave me were three simple words, which said more than anything else could have at the moment.

"Do not want."

...I'm surrounded by lolicons.

---

I was stunned. More than that, actually. Everything was going crazy, and this was just the straw that broke the camels back.

I could accept that this day didn't make sense. I could accept that this really was my new body, and not a figment of my imagination. I could even accept that Haruhi was a pervert. However, Nagato...

Nagato had been the person we the SOS Brigade could always count on most. No matter who stood in the way, or whatever had to be done, she was there to set things right, even when she herself was at fault.

It was just too much.

There was only one thing I could reasonably do: Faint dead on my feet.

Could anybody blame me?

Eventually, it was the tugging on my arm that woke me up.

"It is time for class," Nagato said, as if nothing was wrong at all. Then again, from her point of view, that's just the way it was.

I stared her down, taking one last chance to change her mind. Ultimately, she wasn't even meeting my eyes, rendering all my efforts futile.

"Say, Nagato?" I asked as the resident alien walked alongside me up the hill, holding my hand tightly in hers.

"Call me Yuki-rin."

I held back a sigh. Really, could this day get any more absurd?

Knowing my luck, it probably would. "Yuki-rin?" I said, half heartedly. Things would be easier if I played along.

"Yes?"

"I don't seem to recall changing clothes at all. Why is that?"

"...we are running late. We must hurry."

And so, with my question left unanswered, Nagato we ran to school, keeping me too busy to continue my line of interrogation.

Thinking back now, I don't want to know anyway.

---

Somewhere along the way, I realized that nobody aside from Nagato noticed the change in my body. Not my sister, not my parents; even Shamisen seemed to feel that I was familiar. I wondered if the rest of the world would be like this, and I didn't have to wait long to find out.

You see, even before we had made it to the school gates, I could read the signs raised by some of the students, almost all of them male, with headbands sporting the same writing on the front. Earlier still, I had heard the chanting, which repeated what had been written on the boards. It filled me with a sense of dread, and I fervently prayed for whatever merciful god was out there that there was someone in the school named, "Kyoli."

Unfortunately, I only knew Haruhi, and she was anything but merciful.

And what kind of name is Kyoli, anyway? Kyon was bad enough, but Kyoli sounds like the name of a cute little girl!

"You are a cute little girl."

Yes. I know. But damn it, I'm not supposed to be!

Nagato tightened her grip on my hand as we neared the fanboys. My fanboys.

Why in the world do I have fanboys? Don't they have anything else to do with their time? I can understand if they made one for Mikuru; that would be one club I would join right away. But me? This isn't right at all.

Yes, Nagato. I know I am very cute. You don't have to remind me.

---

We were getting closer, and my body naturally moved on its own, without any prompting or permission from my mind. Clinging to Nagato, we walked to the school entrance as I looked on all sides, seeing the cameras flashing and the cheering that came whenever I would involuntarily shiver.

Occasionally, a fanboy rushed up to me, only to be knocked away by a well placed kick-to-the-face by Nagato. One would think they would give up after a while, yet they still kept coming.

Despite the short distance, it felt like forever just getting to the door. From there, Nagato continued to escort me to my class, and I found no reason to object. After all, would you want to risk facing a horde of fanboys by yourself?

I thought not.

Finally at the room, I let go of Nagato, and bid farewell to her. She lingered for a moment, seeming to be a little sad, before walking off to her own class. I watched her retreating back before turning my attention to the door in front of me, sliding it open with more than a little hesitation.

No sooner than I had done so, a figure leapt through the opening. Arms wrapped around my waist and pulled me closer, and I looked down to see none other than the very person who had caused this mess nuzzling against my chest.

As she purred softly, I tried to get away, failing completely at my attempt. As ever, Suzumiya Haruhi was as strong as an ox, not loosening even the slightest bit. I looked around for some sympathy, only to see Taniguchi cover his face as blood burst from his nostrils and most of the other male students did the same. Kunikida fared better, yet his face was still fairly flushed and had to turn away. As for the girls...

All of them were glaring daggers at Haruhi for some reason.

If I wasn't being suffocated, I would have sighed just then. Couldn't somebody save me?

"Suzumiya-san," an all too affectionate voice said. "I do believe she's turning blue. Perhaps it would be wise to let go, lest you accidentally kill her."

Haruhi and I both turned to look at Koizumi, and I felt relief wash over me. Finally, someone with some amount of sense!

"Fine," Haruhi said sadly, finally freeing me from her grasp. "I can't have a member of the SOS Brigade dying on me, after all."

Is that all you care about, Haruhi?

Once again, I could breathe, and not a moment too soon. Gasping for air as Haruhi walked away without a care, I placed my hand on his shoulder to keep balance. "Thanks," I said sincerely, my other hand clutched over my chest.

"There is no need for gratitude," he said, his smile seeming to be off today. "It was my pleasure to aid you, Kyoli-hime."

What?

Koizumi continued to smile his smile, and I stepped away from him. Eyeing him cautiously, I noticed a headband sticking out from his pocket-the same one that the fanboys were wearing.

I shuddered.

"Is there anything wrong, Kyoli-hime?"

Everything!

"No, there's nothing wrong at all," I said, my voice a little shaky. "I'll guess I'll see you later at the club. Bye."

And with that, I entered the class and hurriedly closed the door. Behind me, I could hear his voice erupt into celebration, running off to tell the rest of the fanclub that "Kyoli-hime" had touched him.

As much as I hate to say it, I miss the old Koizumi.

With a heavy breath, I began to walk over to my seat, dragging my feet as I neared Haruhi. Knowing how she treated Mikuru well enough to predict what she was going to do.

This was going to be a bad day. I just knew it.

I take that back. It already was.

Unable to prolong my fate any longer, I took my seat, and instantly I could feel Haruhi lean forward and wrap her arms around my chest.

Fortunately, this time, she wasn't crushing me. Or at least not as much as she had before.

"Ne, Kyoli. You're not wearing a bra today, are you?"

No comment.

---

A/N: I cannot begin to explain what lead me to write this; it was merely a whim, one that I cannot recall at this moment. Posted originally as a snippet on Hawk's TFF Forum, I eventually began adding more to it (not in order, either) with some encouragement, coming up with whatever ridiculous scenes I could think of. This is the final result.

If you don't get one joke, I don't suggest looking it up. After all, that just means you have your sanity intact.

I had some help from Zenithos and Fatuous One, so if I've mentally scarred you in any way, blame those two as well.


	2. Chapter 2

"Bad Day" by Mereo Flere

Beta'd by: Zenithos

Disclaimer: I do not own The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya

--- 

Classes went as they usually did. In fact, aside from everybody glancing at me when they thought I wasn't looking, it was pretty much what it always was. All I had to do was try to ignore them (not an easy feat, I assure you), and I succeeded when I focused completely on looking out of the window.

I zoned out for a while, becoming lost in the deep blue sky. So far, this was the first and only chance that I had had to collect my thoughts. Not surprisingly, there weren't that many to begin with.

Perhaps there was a chance that there was a deep philosophical meaning behind all of this. Maybe this body was how Haruhi must imagine me in her mind. Maybe this world was to show how important I was to her, by making me the most loved person in school.

I don't know. Normally, I would rely on Koizumi to give me his insight. However, I don't think I want to see him again any time soon.

Besides, it wasn't as if he seemed to remember anything anyway.

The day continued to progress in that fashion, and I didn't pay much attention to the world around me. While I tried to get up twice to escape the classroom for a few minutes at the breaks, Haruhi had grabbed onto me before I was even out of my seat.

By the third break, I stopped resisting. Even if I went out, I would only find myself in the very pit of chaos. The fanboys were everywhere, and it wouldn't be safe to go out alone.

I could have taken Haruhi with me. In fact, I considered it for an instant, immediately discarding the thought. Knowing her, she would probably egg them on; no, she would be the ringleader. Here in the classroom I was safe; for the most part.

At the very least, there were worse things that could happen than Haruhi putting ribbons in my hair. Where was she getting them all anyway?

Suddenly, it hit me like a ton of bricks.

Koizumi had not remembered what the world was like before, and chances were that Mikuru didn't remember either. However, there were two people that did.

The first was myself. The second was none other than Nagato Yuki.

I knew that already. Yet, I couldn't realize what it meant at all, until now.

It made sense now. How else could she have been so ready to come over, with a spare uniform no less? Of course, she would need a reason to come over first, so naturally she made sure I couldn't go out. Why else would all of my other clothes remained the same, yet my pajamas changed to fit my new size?

Haruhi nor her powers knew any sense of discrimination. The only one I knew with an ability to manipulate the world to this degree, and control it, was Nagato.

It had been the same all those months ago. When Nagato Yuki went haywire, and changed the whole world into one free of Haruhi's influence. Back then, Mikuru was not a time traveler, Koizumi was not an Esper, and Nagato was not an alien; just an ordinary bookworm, spending time alone in her Literature Club room.

It was the same, yet so, so different.

That life was ordinary. It was something that I could understand, something that I could accept. Even if I denied it at the end, with time I could have learned to live in it.

It was normal. This wasn't. I'm not sure I could ever get used to this.

I didn't understand it at all. Why did she did she turned me into a loli? Where did she get this idea in the first place?

And why was everybody else acting the way they did?

I had to see her. I had to have her put an end to this, right here, right now.

With those thoughts, I rose from my seat. Just as I did though, the bell rang, signalling the start of the next class, and the end of this chance to see Nagato.

Things were really getting out of hand now. If the situation wasn't resolved quickly, I would find myself facing my greatest challenge yet.

Physical Education.

As soon as the lunch bell rang, I rushed out the door, taking off before Haruhi could capture me again. With energy that I had never had before, I dashed through the halls, a mere blur to the common student. Not even the faculty could stop me; all were shoved aside to make way for the Kyoli express.

Throwing myself through the open doors of her class, I sailed over what I could only hope to be looks of amazement. Tackling Nagato out of her chair, I quickly pulled the two of us up and dragged her away.

Knowing, and not particularly caring that we would be followed, I took her to the only place where we would be alone: The Literature Club Room. Locking the door behind me, I turned to face her. After catching my breath, that is.

"Nagato, you've got to let this end! Don't you know what my next class is?!"

"Of course I do, but I don't see the problem. That body appears to be quite fit despite its appearance."

I took a deep breath.

I would need it.

"You don't see the problem? You don't see the problem?! I'll have to change in front of the other girls! You don't see any problem with that?!"

Nagato paused as if in deep thought. Then, after what felt like an eternity, she nodded in understanding. "I see. I will amend this situation."

Finally...

Wait, no.

Bloomers are not the answer to this, Nagato.

"Then what is?" she asked, putting said bloomers down on the table.

"Do you I have to spell it out for you? P-E-N-I-S! Penis! I need my penis back!"

"Oh."

Yes. Oh.

"...very well. If that is your wish."

And with that, she said a quick incantation, and I could feel all becoming right with the world. Reaching down to assure myself that it was back, I sighed in relief.

That is, until I realized that there was still the matters of my extra accessories still in place.

"I never realized you desired futanari. Forgive me for my ignorance."

Just what exactly has been going through your head recently, Nagato?

---

I was trying to convince Nagato to change me back. Not back to being a loli, mind you; I wanted to go back to having my good old male anatomy - attached to my own body.

So far, I had failed, miserably.

She stood there, on the other side of the Literature Club's table, looking at me impassively. No matter what I said, her expression never changed.

Time was running out. If I went back now as I was, who knew what would happen?

Haruhi probably did, and that's precisely why I don't want to go like this.

There must be something I could do!

I opened my mouth to say something, before a paralyzing fear stopped me. 'Don't say it. What you were going to say, don't say it.'

It was not so much a voice that spoke to me as it was an overwhelming command that I had to follow. It was more than dé•jà vu; even back in that endless summer, I had felt nothing more than a strong suggestion. Whatever would happen if I opened my mouth, it definitely wouldn't be good.

Time quickly passed while I was too afraid to speak up. Soon, the bell rang, and it was time to return to class.

With Nagato being so uncooperative, I found myself with a bigger problem than I had before.

Earlier, I could have just passed myself off as a girl; no, the fact was that I wouldn't be able to convince anyone otherwise even if I tried. I knew without a doubt that I had the body and appearance of a loli, one that seemed to be recognized and admired by everyone I met.

For the moment, I could hide the fact that my body had changed beneath the loose blue skirt of the school uniform. So long as nobody saw what was hidden underneath, I would remain as the same old Kyoli-hime everyone thought they had always known.

However, there was no way I could hide my bulge inside the bloomers that Nagato gave me, assuming they would still fit. Perhaps, I could turn away while changing and hope nobody looked. But everyone would see the truth pretty quickly. I couldn't risk it.

There had to be something I could do. There just had to be!

The boys were leaving, casting one glance back towards me as they filed out the door. In the back of my mind, I took note that the girls were beginning to surround me, but I was more preoccupied with finding a way out.

Already, I could feel the girls coming closer, with twitching fingers eager to get me into the PE uniform. They were giggling, and I was sure they were asking each other what kind of underwear I was wearing today.

I wasn't about to let them find out.

Suddenly, with no other choice but to fight them off, I jumped out of my seat, careful to keep a hand pressed down on my skirt.

"Stay away!" I said, trying to keep them away with one hand.

It was no use. With a mad look in their eyes, they rushed me from all sides. Flesh pressed against me, and my eyes widened at the tugs at my shirt, my clothing threatening to fly free from me.

Normally, this would have been any man's dream. I should have embraced it, taking advantage of the situation that presented itself to me. However, I could only panic and keep shoving myself through the sea of lolicon schoolgirls.

Both of my hands were occupied now, as my free hand had been forced to keep my shirt on. Truth be told, I wasn't sure if I was wearing a bra or not when Nagato had dressed me, but I definitely didn't want any of them to find out. Pressing on, I almost reached the door, when I heard a battle cry.

Had I been not so sure that I would be captured if I were to pause in my escape, I would have stopped and shuddered right then and there.

Finally changed, Haruhi herself joined in the attack.

"KYOLI!"

I moved with more urgency than before. Reaching the door, I slid it open, regrettably leaving my shirt vulnerable. By the time me and the mass of girls tumbled out into the hallway, my shirt was already half off, but it was worth it. I was free.

How so?

Well, it seemed that something else caught their attention.

In unison, every one of the girls that had assaulted me screamed and pointed at the male half of the class, who had gathered around the doorway, trying to listen in on the action.

"Eeek! Perverts!"

I decided not to point out the hypocrisy of their words, instead deciding to make my leave during the confusion. Straightening my shirt, I ran down the hall, or tried to.

My stomach growled before I had even taken five steps. After all of the running around I had done today, I realized that I had not had anything to eat all today. Cursing my metabolism, I tried to fight my fall.

It would be one battle I wouldn't win.

Before unconsciousness stole me away, I heard a voice call out my name. I only prayed that she wouldn't try to rape me too.

---

A/N: This is a little bit shorter than the last one. However, since I've already written a little ahead, I decided that this would be the best place to stop.

And maybe it isn't. But this is where I decided to end it anyway.

---

Omake:

I was trying to convince Nagato to change me back. Not back to being a loli, mind you; I wanted to go back to having my good old male anatomy-attached to my own body.

So far, I had failed, miserably.

She stood there, on the other side of the Literature Club's table, looking at me impassively. No matter what I said, her expression never changed.

Time was running out. If I went back now as I was, who knew what would happen?

Haruhi probably did, and that's precisely why I don't want to go like this.

I sighed. "I give up, Nagato. I'd rather be a regular pussy, really."

Her eyes immediately brightened, and I knew that I had likely said something horribly wrong.

I just didn't know how wrong.

Before I knew it, the world had grown even bigger than before. My clothes covered me like blankets, and it was some time and effort until I could even see my own paws in front of me. Wait, paws?

Oh well. Maybe this is an improvement. After all, what's the worst that could happen to me as a cat?


	3. Chapter 3

"Bad Day" by Mereo Flere

Disclaimer: I do not own The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya

---

When I woke up, I found myself in a bed, with a curtain drawn around me. Blinking, I looked around and guessed that I was in the nurse's office. Immediately, I checked underneath my sheets, and sighed in relief.

My clothes were still on.

It was then that I noticed that someone's shadow against the curtain, searching through the drawers. Thinking back to before I blacked out, it was probably that person, assuming that she was the person that brought me here. Then again, the curves would have given her identity away even if I had not stopped to think about it.

"Asahina-san?"

"Eh?!" It seemed that she had not noticed I was awake.

She suddenly jumped up at my voice, nearly dropping whatever it was she had retrieved from the drawer. She caught it in time though, somehow.

"Kyoli-chan, you're awake?" she asked nervously.

I noted that she too remembered me as Kyoli, not that I had not expected it to be the case. Still, there was no reason not to answer her - since she had saved me, after all. "Yeah," I answered as I got off the bed. "I just woke up now."

"That's too bad," she said as I parted the curtains open. Her hands were behind her back, and she seemed to avoid my eyes. "I really had hoped that you wouldn't make this harder than this needed to be."

I began to worry. Nobody had been themselves today, and there were no telling what effect this new world had on Mikuru. "Is there something wrong, Asahina-san?"

"There is," she replied after a moment, finally facing me. "But everything will be okay as soon as I kill you."

---

The situation seemed all too familiar.

The glint of a knife, flashing into her hand. The all too happy smile, a little lopsided on her otherwise pretty face. Her long hair flowed behind her as she lunged for me, and I could almost hear a laugh, a cry of joy that she had cornered me.

I wished that this time it was a joke. Like that time before though, there was no humor to be found in this at all.

However, one thing was different. Asahina Mikuru was not Asakura Ryouko. This was never more apparant to me than just at this moment.

Ryouko had been strong. She had been fast. Even before her true nature was revealed to me, I could tell that she was one of the better athletes of our class; inhuman even. Even on her worst day, if she ever had any, Asakura Ryouko never tripped on her own feet.

Asahina Mikuru did.

Even as I remained in one place, rooted by fear, my expression of terror quickly turned into one of pity as Mikuru fell forward, onto her own face. The knife clattered elsewhere, underneath one of the beds, beyond either of our reach.

Despite my better judgment, I stepped closer to the fallen senpai, extending a hand towards her.

"Are you okay?" I asked, sincerely concerned for her.

I didn't get an answer. Curious, I leaned over her, hand cautiously nearing her body. She wasn't dead; nobody I knew could die from just a silly fall like that. However, it would make things much easier if she were unconscious.

Naturally, things weren't so simple.

Her arms suddenly shot out, faster than I had ever seen her move. Before I knew it, I was on my back, with her hands around my throat. She sat on my chest, her head hung over me.

"I'm sorry, Kyoli-chan," Mikuru said. Her face was covered by hair, hiding her expression, no matter how hard I tried to look. "I'm supposed to be the moe character of the SOS-Brigade!"

So.

This is why I'm going to die.

Maybe this is a joke after all.

I'm not laughing.

---

It didn't make sense.

Never mind the fact that Mikuru was not acting as her usual self. If she was going to kill me, why did she bother looking for a knife? It would have been easier just strangling me in my sleep, rather than going through all this trouble.

And earlier, when she apologized, she had almost sounded...sincere.

Something wet splashed onto my face.

Was she crying?

Perhaps there was still time to talk her out of this. Maybe she would listen. Maybe there was still a part of her that had not gone mad.

Maybe...just maybe, I should start talking.

"You don't have to do this."

"I have to. I have to!" she said while shaking her head violently, her grip on my throat tightening. By now, I almost wish I was in another one of Haruhi's death grips. Almost, anyway. "With you around...with you around, nobody cares about me."

"I do."

Mikuru hesitated, loosening her grip just enough for me to continue on.

"I care for you. And everybody else in the brigade, too."

Those were some of the cheesiest lines I had ever said in my life. However, whether it was now or then, here or there, that truth never changes.

Even if they try to kill me. I'm stupid like that.

Mikuru had halted. It seemed that her will had been broken. Still, it seemed that she would need more convincing before she would get off me.

"This isn't even the way things are supposed to be, Asahina-san. I'm not supposed to be the moe member of the SOS Brigade. I'm not supposed to have a fanclub. The truth is, I'm not even supposed to be a girl. Nagato changed me, she changed everybody with her powers."

"You're lying."

I wish I were.

Then again, how could I expect her to believe me? For Asahina-san who, in this world, isn't even a time traveller or a mascot, it would be impossible to simply accept what I said. Her memories were built upon this fantasy, and could not be so easily shaken.

Nevertheless, this was the turning point, the beginning of the end of my nightmare.

For you see, that's when she appeared.

"He's telling the truth."

Both of us turned to the new voice, though only I recognized the person standing a few feet away.

Asahina Mikuru (big). The person that the original Asahina Mikuru (small) would grow up to be. Having matured in both body and mind, she took upon herself the duty of protecting the timelines.

Occasionally, she would appear to give advice. Other times, she was more clear, giving me directions without explaining their purpose. Why she was here now, however, I did not know.

I don't know how long she had been standing in the room. With my attention completely focused elsewhere, I had not noticed when she had entered. It could have been seconds or minutes ago.

If she had not even spoken up, I don't think either Mikuru or myself would have noticed.

The question wasn't how though, at least not for her younger self.

"Wh-who are you?"

A time traveller. A cosplayer. The former maid of the SOS-Brigade; at least in my world. I wasn't so sure what role Mikuru played in Nagato's revision of reality.

"I'm you, all grown up in another time line. Tee-hee."

I wondered if Asahina-san could so freely reveal herself to herself. Aren't there some rules against this?

"Don't worry, Kyon-kun."

Never before had I been so glad to hear that nickname.

"This Mikuru-chan might be Mikuru-chan, but she isn't our Mikuru-chan. When this is all over, she won't remember any of this anyway. Or, at least I never did. So, there's nothing to fear."

That sadly made sense. I'm assuming that Koizumi isn't the same one either, right?

"Oh, no, he's always been like that. Your fanboy that is."

"Yes," she said, as if reading my thoughts. "Headband and all. He just never wore it when you were looking."

I'm not sure what's scarier; Koizumi being my fanboy, or the fact that he wasn't the only one.

"Anyway, there is something more important at hand."

I sighed, already knowing what we had to do.

"Like saving the world?"

Mikuru (big) nodded. "Like saving the world."

Whenever something involved Haruhi, the end of the world was always right around the corner. I don't know how many peaceful days have been ruined by an impending armageddon anyway?

Not that this day was peaceful at all.

By the way, it was around this time that Mikuru (small) decided to break into the conversation again.

"Just what the hell are you people talking about?!"

One might ask how both of us managed to forget about the girl still sitting on top of me.

Honestly, I don't really know myself. Perhaps I was just getting used to so many weird things happening, and people trying to kill me.

My life is so screwed up.

"We're going to fix things," Mikuru (big) said, without missing a beat. "And you're going to help us."

"Wah?!"

---

At the insistence of Mikuru (big), I explained the situation to Mikuru (small), after she had gotten off me that is. Most of the stuff I just skimmed over, only briefly mentioning the real identities of the members of the SOS Brigade. Only one of them concerned us today, the person that had created this entire mess: Nagato Yuki.

She was an alien, specifically a living humanoid interface, whatever that meant. More importantly, she was someone that could, and did, change the world. While I wasn't clear how it was done, the fact was that she made this world the way it was, starting with this body.

"Wait, do you mean..."

I shifted uncomfortably, noting where her eyes had glanced to, and the blush on her face. It seemed that she had noticed something else when we were getting up.

"No, it's not just that. I was originally an ordinary guy, not the loli that you see before you. I wasn't even a pretty boy like Koizumi; not that I'd want to be like him anyway."

Especially, well, now. In fact, I probably don't think I'll be able to stand that guy for a long time.

Then again, that wasn't really different, was it?

"But it's not just that. This entire world has changed. Maybe not physically like me, but suddenly everybody just turned insane. Except for Haruhi; she's always been like that.

"The rest of you, though...I'm not sure what Nagato did to all of you."

It was true. I can't imagine what triggered in her mind to change everybody like this.

"Isn't it obvious, Kyon?"

"No. No it isn't. If it was, I wouldn't be half as confused as I am now."

From the edge of the bed, Mikuru (big) smiled softly. "Nagato-san really does love you. So, when she changed the world, she made you the most important person inside of it. Back then, on the world of that December 18th, she gave ultimately gave you the choice of which world to live in."

I was taken aback.

Love? She had to be kidding.

I waved my hand, as if trying to fan the very notion away.

"If that were true, then Nagato sure has an odd way of expressing it."

"It's not as if she's an ordinary person. She doesn't have a normal family, like the rest of us, so there was nobody around to teach her how to show affection."

I gulped.

"But that still doesn't explain where she got it in her head to do all of this."

"Probably," she said, "She assimilated the information from spending time with the Computer Club. Learning what they liked and disliked. Taking that information, she applied it to the world, hoping that it would make you happy.

"Or maybe," she continued ominously, sending a shiver down my spine. "Maybe she really is just a loli-con."

I hate my life.

I sighed, wanting to get as far away from that topic as possible. The idea of a loli-con Nagato had crossed my mind before, but given my current situation it was too frightening to deal with head on.

However, it seemed a more frightening prospect had appeared.

"Umm...is that supposed to be strange? I thought everybody was a loli-con."

I stared at Mikuru (small) incredulously. She had to be kidding, right?

"No, she's not kidding," Mikuru (big) said, affirming my fears. "In this world, everyone is a loli-con, and fanatical ones at that. I'm afraid that, no matter who you meet, that is the single trait that everybody in the world carries. Except for you, of course."

"Wait. Everybody in the world? Does that include you too?"

She simply smiled, though I couldn't help but feel that she was avoiding my eyes on purpose. The fact that she didn't give a conclusive answer...

Damn it, I don't have time to deal with this.

"So, what's the plan?"

"Ah. Of course."

Mikuru (big) turned around for a moment. From my angle, I couldn't see what she was doing, but Mikuru (small) could.

Just why was she blushing?

"Here you go!" Mikuru (big) said, suddenly thrusting something into my hands.

It was a bottle. A bottle full of milk.

No. I had to be wrong. There was no way she would give me that. It had to be something else - maybe the key to ending this day. The fact that it looked like something you would feed a baby had to be a coincidence.

"Asahina-san...just what exactly is this?"

"It's a bottle of milk. Why, are you lactose intolerant?"

No, I'm not. Then again, that isn't the problem. "Is there a reason you're giving me this?"

"Of course there is. You haven't had any nutrition today, have you Kyon-kun?"

"Well, no..."

"Then drink up!"

It seemed that there was no dissuading the woman. Still, she was right; I was hungry. I just wished that she had brought along something else. Aren't there any sandwiches in the future? At the very least, I wouldn't suck on it like a baby. Removing the top, I raised the open bottle to my lips.

Immediately, I could tell that it wasn't ordinary milk. It wasn't an unpleasant taste, but I couldn't figure out what it was.

Was it skim milk? Or maybe she had just added something to it?

"It's breast milk," she said, obviously sensing my confusion. "Yours, actually."

Ah. So that was it.

Wait -

"I'm kidding," she said quickly, a weak laugh following her admission. "It's not yours. You shouldn't take things so seriously."

I sighed in relief. If I had to deal with that in the future, I don't know what I would do. I had enough worries on my little hands as it was.

"You still haven't talked about the plan."

"That's because...there is no plan. As I told you before, I retained no memory of this time, and so..."

"You have no idea about what we're supposed to do."

"Precisely."

"So, I have to be the one to come up with it."

"Except, you don't have that much time to think?"

"And why is that?"

"Because - you see, the bell is about to ring. When that happens..."

Stop. You don't need to go any further. If we remain trapped here, then...

I'd rather not think about it, honestly.


	4. Chapter 4

"Bad Day" by Mereo Flere

Disclaimer: I do not own The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya

---

A plan. I hated being the one to come up with the plan. Scheming was better left to Koizumi. Unfortunately, that guy was my enemy at this moment; I could only rely on him to get in my way.

I had two Mikurus on my side. As much as I appreciated their help, couldn't the future send me more back up? Or at least something better than a bottle of milk.

Still, no matter how much I could complain about it, I knew that I would have to make do with what I had. Even if it wasn't much.

Three minutes. That's how much time I had left. In three minutes class would end, and everyone would start pouring out of their classrooms. At that time, the mob would surely come to the Nurse's Office, looking for me. At the very least, I had to be somewhere else, but where how would I make it through a school of lolicons without getting caught?

There was only one place I could hide: The Literary Club Room. It was the SOS Brigade's safe haven, and nobody would simply barge in there; even in this world, I was sure that Haruhi would punish any invaders. That was where I had to go.

I would need a distraction though. As soon as they found out I wasn't here then they would come looking for me, and the first place they would go was there.

"Asahina-san? Mikuru-chan? Can you two do me a favor?"

"Ye..yes, Kyoli-hime?"

"What is it, Kyon-kun?"

"I need you to keep everybody here while I try to find Nagato. Can you two do that?"

Mikuru (small) blinked, tilting her head. "Um...okay. But how are we supposed to do that?"

"It doesn't matter how. All that matters is that they stay here."

Mikuru (big) smiled, and for a moment I could see a familiar gleam in her eyes - one that reminded me of Haruhi. Very few things in my life have ever frightened me as much as her at that instant, and that's saying something. However...

"Leave it to me, Kyon-kun!"

It seemed that she was absolutely confident in whatever idea popped into my head.

So long as it worked and I wasn't the victim, I don't care what it was.

2 minutes left. Before, it would have been an impossible dash across campus. My old body would have collapsed just from trying such an insane run.

However...as much as I would hate to admit it, this small frame of mine could do it. Regardless of whatever reason she had, Nagato had made this body stronger than my old one. In the end, I would have to rely on the very body I was trying to escape.

Was this irony? No. Probably not.

I took one final glance at the Mikurus. I could almost see the dark aura surrounding the older one, and a look that reminded me of a mouse cornered by a cat. I would have asked Mikuru (small) to forgive me for putting her in such a situation, except...well, she tried to kill me a few minutes ago. As much as I cared for her, even I couldn't forgive her in such short of a time.

Besides. This was what she wanted. Sorta.

"Let's just call this even, okay?"

By the time I heard her scream, I was already out the door. Another time, and I would have loved to stick around, but I just didn't have that luxury at the moment.

Fortunately, I knew the path. I didn't have to worry about having to stop and think about where to go; after all of the times Haruhi has dragged us across the school, there was no way I wouldn't know where everything was, let alone our own club room. And so, without worrying about getting lost, I ran as fast as I could.

Though...it never occurred to me that I could actually run into someone.

Just as I rounded the corner someone, a girl carrying a stack of papers, did the same. Though I saw her, I was moving too fast to stop myself in time. Even if she had seen me too, she wouldn't have been able to get out of the way. Needless to say, I crashed into her.

Papers flew everywhere. Without meaning too, though unable to do otherwise, I landed on top of the girl. Immediately, I bolted up, and scrambled to get away. As much as I would like to apologize, I just didn't have the time to stick around. I needed to make my escape now.

That was when I heard it, a name only one other person has called me today.

"Kyon-kun, is that you? No, that can't be right..."

I froze.

That voice was definitely one I remembered. Even if she wasn't one of the "main" members of the brigade, she was one of the people I could never forget.

Without a doubt, it was the ever mysterious, ever capable Tsuruya sitting on the floor amidst a pile of papers, rubbing her rear as dignified as one could.

"You remember me?"

For someone like Mikuru, who came from another time, it was understandable that she would remember me. Yet, even if it was Tsuruya-san, for someone of this world to remember who I was meant...

I'm not sure what it meant, actually. But it meant -something-. After all, of all the people in the world, why would Nagato leave Tsuruya unchanged?

Tsuruya wasn't immune to Nagato's manipulation. My experience from last time, back when she twisted my arm behind my back and addressed me as a stranger, had taught me that.

There had to be a reason - and maybe finding it out would help me undo this madness.

Unfortunately, as I was thinking all that and Tsuruya-san was looking at me with a confused expression, my time had run out.

The bell rang. I could hear people already shuffling out of their desks. In the middle of the hall, there was nowhere to run. Classrooms surrounded in both directions, and I couldn't simply jump out of a second story window, could I?

Actually, maybe I could. But I wouldn't want to test it out. Besides, breaking through the glass would only break the attention I was trying to avoid.

I had to hide. But where was a conveniently placed utility closet to run into? Nowhere near me, that was for sure.

Somebody, help me!

"Kyoli-hime, up here!"

No, that wasn't god. Then again, I probably would have been more relieved if I saw Haruhi in the ceiling, hanging down from an air duct. Instead, it was Koizumi, holding out his hand towards me.

Just what what you doing there anyway?

"Helping you. Now, come on!"

It was no decision, really. Either I would have to face a mob of deranged lolicons, or...trust Koizumi. As wary as I was of the guy, he had helped me several times before - hopefully, this wouldn't be the day he would decide to stab me in the back with a knife.

Or anything else, for that matter.

There was only one problem. I was too short. Even if I jumped as high as I could, my hand could not reach his. Before I could figure away around it, though, someone suddenly hoisted me up in the air.

Tsuruya-san?!

"I don't know what's going on, but it looks like you megassa need help, right?"

"Thanks."

"No problem, nyoro."

"Let's go, Kyoli-hime. We don't have anymore time."

Then, without any warning, I was pulled up into the air duct, disappearing from the hallway just as the first wave of students began to flood the hall.

With a sigh of relief, I looked back down, waved to my senpai, before following after Koizumi, who had already begun to crawl away.

I had to catch up. There were a lot of questions I wanted to ask, and this guy knew more than he had pretended to earlier.

---

Believe it or not, crawling through an air duct was not as fun as certain movies may have lead you to believe. On the contrary, they were dusty and filled with cobwebs, and all around pretty cramped. How Koizumi managed to get through with no trouble at all was beyond me.

Such complaints though were far from my mind at the time. What mattered now was finding out the truth, asking the questions he knew that I would ask. Like, why he was helping me.

"Is it so strange that I would want to help you out, Kyon?"

Well...wait, Kyon?

"Is that not your name?"

It's not. My real name, which everyone has forgotten even in our own world, was completely different. But it was good enough, I suppose. Anything to hold onto something other than this madness.

"Of course it is. But, how do you..."

"Remember?" he asked, finishing my sentence. "I never forgot it in the first place."

That doesn't really tell me anything, you know. Besides, you didn't seem to remember it a moment ago.

"Ever since the event in December, we the Organization have striven towards a defense against the Data Integrated Thought Entity's ability of data manipulation. It is not perfected yet - my powers have not carried over for instance - but our minds, or rather our memories within them, remain intact."

So, what you're saying is...

"Essentially, we are powerless, but only in the sense that we no longer have the capacity to combat the Shinjins any longer. It should not pose a problem to us, though - we don't even know if Closed Space will be an issue anymore."

Well, congratulations on your early retirement then. However, that doesn't exactly help me, you know.

"Of course it doesn't. The truth is, the Organization doesn't intend to help you at all. In fact, I could get in trouble just with this.

"You see, most of them want to stay in this world. While it is indeed more than a little different than what we recall, with the shinjins out of the way we can finally resume our normal lives. And, as I said before, it is only our memories that have remained; our personalities were still affected by the Nagato-san's actions.

"The truth is, as we are now, we actually prefer this world. Even I admit that I do not want to leave."

It's not like I could blame them. Given the choice to either risk my life in a battle against the gigantic blue manifestations of a hyperactive high school girl in an alternate dimension, or sacrifice one of her classmates to the body of a loli, I wouldn't even take a second to take make my decision.

However...

"If you like this place as well, then why -are- you helping me?"

"Ah." Koizumi's voice adopted a somber tone. "There are more important things to me than just my own selfish wishes. Like keeping a promise to a friend.

"I told you, didn't I? When the time came to choose sides that I would stand on yours. I won't back down on that now."

Koizumi...

"Besides, I think I prefer you as a boy, Kyon. I assure you, despite the lolicon program that Nagato has installed in my personality, that before was simply an act to avoid alerting the Organization from my intentions of helping you at the time."

I'm sure he was only trying to make me feel better.

Really.

Never mind that. Where are we going?

"To the clubroom of course. Is that not where you were headed?"

Yes but, how did you know that? Come to think of it, how did you know when and where to save me?

"Ah."

He stopped, glancing back to look at me. Suddenly, I had a bad feeling about this.

"It appears you got me there."

"This is a trap, isn't it?"

"Yes. Yes it is. Now, will you come with me?"

Not if I can help it!

---

Apparently, I couldn't help it.

Within fifteen minutes, Koizumi managed to drag me to the Literature Club Room and, in less time than it took to blink, I found myself strapped to a chair with my back against the window. I tested the bindings, but sure enough I couldn't break free.

Facing my captors, Koizumi and Nagato, I tried to put up as defiant a front as I could.

This had to be the final stage. Whatever happened here would no doubt determine the future of this world and my own. I had used no strategy guide, taken no side quests, and avoided most of the random encounters along the way - and now I was screwed. Already in the last boss battle, I had no option to retreat, no choice but to give up.

It was game over for me.

"So, you caught me. Now what are you going to do?"

I was afraid of the answer. Of the SOS Brigade, the one with the most creativity was arguably Koizumi, and Nagato hadn't exactly been herself. Left at their mercy...

"Absolutely nothing."

I was...safe?

"Wait, what? No cosplaying? No BDSM? No tentacle rape?"

Koizumi's eyes twinkled. "Of course not, we wouldn't do such a thing. Unless you would want us too."

Absolutely not. But then, if you weren't going to do anything...

"I believe you've gotten the wrong idea. Our intentions were never to hurt you or use you as a plaything...at least, not right now. We simply wanted to keep you safe from your depraved fanboys; who knows what they would do, left alone with you?"

That's nice, except, aren't you one of those "depraved fanboys" yourself, Koizumi?

"Please don't lump me in with them, Kyon-kun. They simply idolize you as an object of worship. I wish to act as your servant, tending to whatever needs you may have."

"Thank you." I think. "But you know, if you wanted to help me, why don't you guys just change me back?"

"I am unable to perform such an operation."

This time, Nagato had answered. Not that I understood what she meant.

Thankfully, Koizumi explained in further detail.

"Nagato-san does not have the processing power to return you to your original body. Without Suzumiya-san's power, which was not included on this version of the world, the most she could do is recover the state previous to your current one."

So, basically, it's the difference between the "Undo" and the "Step Backward" commands.

"I don't see any problem with that, though."

"Have you forgotten, Kyon-kun? Your, well, 'addition'?"

"Just what are you talking about?"

Wait.

Oh no.

"Oh yes."

Nagato nodded her head. Then I began hitting the wall with the back of my own.

---

"And that's the whole story?"

"Actually, no. That's when Haruhi burst into the room, dragging the two Mikurus behind her. I hope you don't mind, but I would rather not explain what happened after that."

Because of those unspeakable events, my conversation with Koizumi and Nagato as delayed. Later, though, I found out that it was still possible to reconstruct my body and fix this world - but under Nagato's own power it would take quite some time; at least a month, she had said. Until everything was ready, I would be stuck as Kyoli.

By the way, the person I was speaking with now was none other than Tsuruya-san. I never idd find out why she had been unaffected by Nagato's changes, though Koizumi assured me that it had nothing to do with the Organization.

Still, that didn't matter to me right now. As someone who remembered Kyon and didn't see me as "Kyoli-hime" she was one of the few people who I could talk to about my troubles.

I just wish she didn't find the whole thing hilarious.

"That sound's like megassa fun!"

"I assure you, it isn't. By the way, is there any reason you're holding up my skirt?"

"I wanted to see if you kept your penis. I didn't get a chance to feel how big it was when you crashed into me that time."

It was going to be a long month.

Well, at least I'm not a futa anymore. Also, could you please not sound so disappointed, Tsuruya-san?

---

A/N: That's it. That's the end. My only problem with this is...everything.

I don't really know what I was thinking. But, it was fun, even if it didn't make sense at all.


End file.
